Idiosyncrasy
by Chibi Haku
Summary: Something beneath Naruto’s foot went ‘squish’ He shuddered and didn’t look down. He REALLY didn’t want to know what he’d just stepped in. (One sided KyuuNaru, SasuNaru) (Drug abuse, Yaoi, slight sacrilege)


_A/n: Okay, Haku's being naughty and starting not one, but **two** Naruto chaptered fics while still working on AWWA. Don't worry, AWWA isn't broken, it is still very much alive and going strong, and it would have a new chapter if I kinda..._

_...hadn'tleftmynotebookwiththedraftinitatschool. –Thud- _

_So ANYWAYS in the interlude between the AWWA updates (Which are sporadic at best. I'm really sorry about that.) I'll have a few chapters of both this and my "Let the Walls." They are both going to be products of my twisted imagination, and very different from what I usually write, so proceed with caution..

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**Idiosyncrasy - **Extract 1  
It wasn't meant to be like this

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**One step, two step, three potato, four...  
...Or not.**

_It wasn't meant to be like this._ Said God, as he looked down upon the destruction of Earth by his most trusted of races. There was a frown on his metaphysical face.

It was all a dream, all one big fucking dream, something like reality but not quite, something so real and so different, but isn't that what a dream could do? A dream could make you think that flying through the air on a fucking seven foot long purple banana was real and fuck, you wouldn't question it.

_Concussion, Multiple Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, depression, anger, malice, underdeveloped lungs, liver, kidney._

Humans can survive on only one kidney, one lung, half a liver, did you know that? And isn't that just another part of the dream? They think they're fragile. The truth is they're overbuilt. More than enough room for error. Their teeth have a safety factor of fifty for Christ's sake, yet still they manage to break them somehow.

Lose them one by one until they can't chew no more. And isn't that so ironic and at the same time so pathetic. Safety factor of **fifty**. Heh, God, you should have made it two thousand.

_It wasn't meant to be like this_.

And yeah, it probably wasn't. The other world, the dream at least, was interesting. Here it's all boring and sterile. Sigmund Freud got it all wrong. Got dreams and sexuality and all that crap wrong, but what did he know, the perverted bastard? He said that humans can't smell in dreams. They can smell better. They can feel pain. Alternate realities, lifetimes running parallel to lifetimes, the same yet different. Red, yet green at the same time.

Isn't it just so fucking ironic?

Flying purple banana. So much more interesting than this crap. Really, going on and on all day would do nothing and everything, but it wouldn't get to the point. Sad that. Truly sad.

_It wasn't meant to be like this. _

Then let it destroy itself, take out everyone around it. Do what God did, never talk to it again. Let it hide in its small pathetic world where it thinks it rules and is almighty. Let it fester, grow, take all around it like some kind of sick disease, some kind of virus.

Ironic. Humans wiping out humans. Humans winning finally in the fight against disease by taking out themselves.

Beautifully ironic.

_Maybe we could subdue it? Control it? Make it normal?_

Aint nothing normal about this, baby, aint nothing normal at all. What is normal? The most normal thing in the world is **abnormal** because everything is deviated from the norm. Paradox. Fucking amusing. Can't trust anything normal. Can't trust anything.

Normal is the big purple banana. Just because it's so fucking weird.

Ain't no such thing as normal. Aint no such thing as weird. There's only power in the end. Hell yeah. Power. Power to kill and destroy and also create. Two halves of the one whole, can't destroy nothin' if it hasn't been created. Can't create something if nothin's been destroyed to make room. All about the power to choose. Choose what to destroy, what to create, what to let fester at the bottom of a small petri dish, choose what to let grow.

Just plain ironic. Humans have so much power yet are so powerless. Almost pathetic. Almost, not quite. They still have the power after all.

Soon that power's gonna be taken, darling, taken far away. 'Cos Foxy's back.

And Foxy's real this time.

_It wasn't meant to be like this.

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The second time Naruto woke up that night, one thing fully registered in his brain above all others:

His head hurt like a bitch.

He stumbled, half blind and half asleep out of the rumpled covers he was lying over, through the paper and empty ramen cups that were strewn about on the one roomed apartment's floor to a small cabinet just above the kitchen sink. Reaching up a hand that glimmered pale in the predawn light he pulled open the wooden panel between him and aspirin roughly, not caring as it swung and clanged harsh and unforgiving against the wall. Its' own fault anyway, it was between him and his wonder-drug pain reliever.

Him over exaggerate? Maybe a little.

Grabbing the home brand box of pain relievers, he took two out of the silver foil packaging, relishing in the small 'pop' that was the seal breaking. A chipped glass was filled to the brim with water, and the two small white tablets were placed between his teeth.

Down his gullet went the water. Down his gullet it took the tablets. He gave a small and satisfied groan, briefly imagining a cartoon the white lumps of drugs taking on the pain raging between his temples. Hmn... Why did the things representing pain look like Sasuke?

Blinking sleep out of his fogged eyes, he stared dopily around the room. _Strange._ He noted.

_This is not my house._ Insert three blinks and pause. This left two options for the twenty year old in question. Either his apartment looked incredibly different at five in the morning, or he'd gotten drunk again and didn't have the foggiest clue where he wound up. The headache strongly suggested the second, but the ramen packets strewn around on the large living room floor, and the fact that he was in his own pyjamas strongly pushed his sleep deprived brain towards the first.

And then there was that little irking fact that he still knew where everything _was_.

Something was vastly different than normal. And it wasn't the fact that he was in a strange house that looked like he had lived in it for the majority of his life. It was him. He felt different. Weaker. More suspect to breaking. He couldn't sense the charka running through him at all, which was a very bad thing.

Something in his mind told him that here, he really shouldn't expect that. He asked it why, but it wasn't giving answers. Stupid subconscious.

Another part of the deep crevasse that made up his mind found everything hysterically funny, and was taking great pleasure in informing him of this fact.

/I don't think we're in Konoha anymore, Kyuubi./ It told him in a deadpan tone, and Naruto lost it.

He fell to the floor laughing. It was laugh or cry at this point, and Naruto never cried.

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**Katie was a little girl who said "Ill find the way"  
Katie was a little girl who said "It'll be okay"  
Katie didn't know WHAT she was talking about.**

_It wasn't meant to be this way. _Said God as he tried to think up excuses as to why the humans took pleasure in destroying everything.

Surrounded, surrounded on all sides by scientists and prodding and poking. A rat in a cage, a rat in a cage, a fox in its burrow and the swirling of a maze. Smiling faces, smiling faces happy and gleeful and look at them scream!

Foxy doesn't like this. Foxy's looking out for you baby, he's looking out for **you**. None of them, none of them, and Foxy's angry. They've kept you in the dream. Kept you there to control you and now three days later they wake you up into this world of confusion. Everything's different, but now there's no Sasuke and I'll bet you're pleased about **that**.

It's a different scenario now, a different dream they've trapped you in, but Foxy'll get you free and into the real world.

_It wasn't meant to be like this. _

Foxy'll get you out of this tube of fluid and into the world and they'll regret what they've done to you baby, 'cos Foxy's here and everything's going to be just fine.

It's going to be more okay than God on drugs, just you see.

Purple flying Banana's better than this baby, so much better. Foxy'll save you yet.

Hahaha! Look at them scream! Look at them writhe! Look at them yell! They're so cute like that! So cute and small and oh yes, Foxy's rescuing you baby, Foxy's saving you from their worlds, from the glass and from the water. The machine ain't going beep anymore baby; Foxy'll keep you safer than you've ever dreamed.

_HELP! HELP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET US OUT OF HERE!_

Three days, three whole days Foxy's been waiting for you to come back, baby, Foxy's here making it all real. Making it all better. Foxy will make you belong.

See? See? They're all gone now, all gone and Foxy's the only one in this stupid mechanical place. Only Foxy and only you, darling, we'll be the only ones who matter. You and I forever. Ever. Forevereverever, just you and me baby. Let them keep their excuses, their dreams, their flying purple Bananas. You and I can **exist.**

It's so quiet now baby, let Foxy hide, let Foxy sleep while you are free. Let Foxy get his strength back just for you.

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This time, when Naruto came around, his head hurt like a **real** mother-fucker. And this time, there wasn't any aspirin to save him from the pain.

But none of that mattered, because this was the strangest place he'd ever seen. It was no longer an apartment that was not his, yet was. It was not Konoha, it was a laboratory.

And with a sickening click, everything fell into place. He'd been a rat in a cage all this time.

He stood slowly, deliberately from the middle of the large tube that appeared to have exploded outwards, and wrinkled his nose at the scent of copper and iron on the air. The room was lit by bright white fluorescents; one was humming in the corner and making him feel sick to his stomach. He stepped off the platform he was on, and noticed with distaste that he was naked. He looked around as if seeing the world for the first time and _God_ was it not pretty. Pools of sticky liquid coated the ground, at odd intervals and the room appeared destroyed. Monitors were shattered, and four men lay in pools of their own blood on the floor.

However, judging by the random limbs and blood splatters around the place there had been more than four.

Something beneath Naruto's foot went 'squish' He shuddered and didn't look down. He REALLY didn't want to know what he'd just stepped in. Moving on, and trying to ignore the now sticky feel of the underside of his foot he knelt down by a man who'd been impaled by a shred of glass two feet long. Strangely, blood wasn't pooling out of the wound like he expected it to be, the cut was so smooth that there was no space between shard and flesh for the blood to come out of.

He noted with a detached kind of amusement how none of this seemed to affect him anymore. He'd 'lived' as a ninja too long, been to desensitised by violence, lived alongside the Kyuubi for more than forever.

Speaking of which...

He closed his eyes, to call out to his fox demon, to call out to the part of him he hated more than anything, hated more than the fact he could look at piles of dead bodies and not be affected in the least. And, the Kyuubi was not there. Kyuubi was not there. Was it really just another part of the illusion?

He sighed. _Could everything have really been a dream?_ He asked himself as he looked about the laboratory walls, looked at the machines set aside to monitor heart beat and looked at the female scientist buried into the wall in a position similar to that of crucifixion. Her jacket was pooled at her feet; Naruto's guess was that it had been flung off as whatever did this killed her so bloodily.

He took the jacket and wrapped it around himself. She wouldn't be needing it anymore.

Modesty issues taken care of, he moved about the small, cramped space in an almost frightened state. So much death, so much destruction. The lights buzzed overhead and he glared at them, the distracting noise causing him to loose focus on the here and now, trying to figure out what did this, and whether it would come for him next.

Perhaps he shouldn't have looked to his left at just that moment, but how was he to know that the half –dissipated tank next to him would have been made of reflective glass, and that he would have truly seen himself for the first time, probably ever.

His eyes were still blue, his hair still golden, but much longer than he expected. The whisker-marks he was so used to weren't there, and for that he was more grateful than he could say. He looked a little odd in the jacket, far big for him and the stark white making his slightly pink and damp skin stand out in sharp relief, but that wasn't the thing that shocked Naruto the most.

What shocked Naruto the most was that he was looking at a four year old reflection, and the four-year old reflection belonged to him.

_Great._ He thought slightly cynically. _I guess this means I'll have to go through puberty again._

Somewhere in the distance a siren whirred

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.

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_A/n: Weird enough for you? _

_Just so you know, yes, the voice speaking _is_ Kyuubi. He's so much fun to write as a homicidal maniac, did you know that? Chapters after this one will DEFINETELY be longer than this, but writing Kyuubi, while fun, does reveal a lot more plot at once than I cared for. I meant to have a few more scenes of Naruto in the apartment. (You will see that place again, just so you know.) _

_And yes, the other ninjas WILL be in the plot, just not at the moment. _

_Anyways, Feed a hungry Authoress who hopes she didn't scare you too much? And cookies to anyone who can pick up ANY of the references I've used. I think there's 4...? 5 if you count the obvious one._


End file.
